What Happens When You Start Leading With Human Connection?
The future of education is not forcing engagement. It’s creating environments students want to be part of.
People ask me why I care so deeply about connection in schools. The answer isn’t found in a textbook or a leadership course. It’s found in my childhood.
I grew up loved, but I also grew up largely on my own. My parents divorced when I was young, and by the time I reached my teenage years, I had learned how to survive more than how to connect. I made choices I’m not proud of, but I know now were needed for this work. I spent years feeling unseen, and at times, I caused pain for others because I didn’t know how to deal with my own.
It has taken decades of reflection to understand something that seems obvious now:
Behavior is almost always telling a story. That realization has shaped every part of my work.
For years, education has searched for the next curriculum, the next initiative, or the next intervention that will improve student outcomes. Those tools certainly have value, but after working with thousands of educators across the country, I’ve realized we’re addressing the wrong challenge first.
Connection isn’t the reward for successful schools. It’s the foundation they are built upon.
One of the most meaningful moments of my life came years after middle school, when someone I had bullied reached out to me on MySpace in 2003. She remembered everything I had done to her. Reading her words forced me to confront parts of my past that I wished had never existed. But, I couldn’t change what I had done. However, I could choose what I would do with the lesson.
Today, when I meet a student who’s angry, disruptive, withdrawn, or disconnected, I don’t immediately ask, “How do we stop this behavior?” I find myself asking a different question.
“What happened that brought this child here?”
That question changes everything. It shifts us from punishment to curiosity. From frustration to compassion. And, from managing behavior to building relationships.
One of the biggest misconceptions in education is that connection begins with students.
It doesn’t. and if you know us, you know this— It begins with adults. When school leaders create environments where educators feel valued, supported, and connected, teachers are able to extend that same sense of belonging to students. Connection flows through a school.
When one part of that chain breaks, everyone feels it.
AI will continue to change how we learn. Technology will continue to evolve. Information has never been more accessible. But no technology will replace a student feeling seen by a trusted adult. No algorithm can replicate belonging. Apps can’t replace a caring relationship. The future of education will always depend on the very thing that has mattered from the beginning: Human connection. This is timeless.
Recently, I had the privilege of joining a longtime childhood friend, Andrea Bendewald on her award-winning podcast, Circle This, where we explored many of these ideas through the lens of our own childhoods, the loneliness epidemic, resilience, and the power of connection.
Class Photo, Dre and Julia, P.S.3, 1977(?)
It wasn’t simply a conversation about education. It was a conversation about being human. If you’ve ever wondered why I believe relationships—not programs—have the power to transform schools, I hope you’ll take the time to listen.
Because after everything I’ve experienced, and after everything I’ve witnessed in schools over the last three decades, I’ve come to believe one simple truth:
Connection isn’t an extra. It’s the remedy.
Please share this and share how you are building connections in your education environment; more people need to hear this message.
Listen to my conversation with Dre on the Circle This podcast here on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and YouTube.
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